On Instagram the other day I asked people to submit topics or situations they could use some encouragement about and I would write them a note. I got a few subjects that were so great but I realized I needed more space to write an adequate response so I figured I’d post here instead.
On friendships:
Friendships are so important and so difficult sometimes. When I’m feeling particularly unsatisfied in my friendships, I find it’s really important to ask myself why. You are a combination of the 5 people closest to you, are the friends you’re closest to the kind of people you want to be like? If so, carry on. If not, move on. Of course that’s easier said than done but when a thing is right, the peace that fills your heart will be so steadying that the pain will be manageable. My mom used to tell me it’s better to be alone than with the wrong people and that advice has saved me on multiple accounts. Sometimes I’ve been lonely because of this concept, but I’d rather be lonely than with people who make me hate myself or constantly feel negative toward humans as a whole.
When you have friendships you know you want to keep but are going through a rough patch, take a break. There is no shame in creating some space or breathing room between you and someone you love. If your relationship is as strong as you believe it is or want it to be then it will only be stronger when you return to it. If desperation is driving you in your friendships, ask yourself why. Once again, it’s better to be alone than with the wrong people. In this age of social media connection, it’s easy to forget how fulfilled we are in relationships too. Remember it’s better to have 3 real friends than 1,000 “friends.”
In my experience, it takes longer to make friends with healthy people than it does unhealthy people, so don’t be discouraged if you find people you want to be friends with but it takes a while for the friendship to blossom– that’s the groundwork for a healthy friendship. The weird thing about making friends as an adult is that it’s almost the same as dating. Who am I kidding, it’s dating. You’re dating for friends. Friend dating. The bad news is that it can be awkward and take more effort than you probably desire to put forth but the encouraging thing is that it’s worth it and you can do it!
It’s okay if it’s hard and awkward or weird and scary. Are you worried about putting forth more effort than the other person and receiving nothing in return? Same! That’s life. Some people will disappoint you in that, but the good people are probably in the same boat as you. So breathe deep, be present where you are, and enjoy your friend’s presence in that moment. Don’t worry about where your relationship will go or what it can be, just be where you are because in the end you can only control you, the rest isn’t your responsibility.
These days people are hungry for connection more than ever and there are so many opportunities to connect! Seize them! Also, stop hanging out with people who just want to sit and talk all the time. That’s where the drama comes from. Find girl-friends (or guy-friends or any friends, all the friends) who like to do things, physically do things. Go create art together, make food together, rock climb, mini golf (unless you’re with me, I hate mini golf lol I don’t know why I used that example), see movies, write stories, hike– do things. If there’s one thing I’ve learned in life it’s that my healthiest and most fulfilling friendships are always with people who do things rather than just talk about things. I think there are many reasons for that but I’ll let you discover them for yourself.
You are a good friend. You know what a good friend looks like. You have it in you to make powerful and good choices about the boundaries you have in the relationships you have. You have the courage and resources to make more friends. You have the resilience and strength to hold on to and bounce back from friendships that are traversing through rough weather. You are a good friend and you deserve good friends too.
On feeling like you don’t belong at a job you’re at but enjoying getting the experience:
Not belonging is difficult in general. Not feeling like you belong at work can be especially difficult because, well, you’re there all the time! So first of all, congratulations to you for sticking it out in the first place. Whatever the reasons are that you don’t feel it’s a right fit, congratulations for having such high self awareness! Honestly many people can’t even recognize their discontentment as an opportunity but the fact that you see that is great because it will lead you to so many more opportunities and allow you to live more fully.
Take note of all the reasons you feel like this job isn’t the fit for you, it will help give you insight on what future opportunities are for you. When your next opportunities come, you’ll be more prepared to take them because you know some of what you learned from this job. This type of discomfort you’re experiencing will allow you to relate to so many others who have felt the exact same thing and to anyone (everyone) who has ever felt like they don’t belong somewhere. Relating to people will allow you to have a greater impact in other people’s lives and give them more of an opportunity to impact yours as well. So at the very least, your experience is already priming you to connect with others more.
It is incredible that you’re getting this experience! Soak it in as much as you can. Like each part of your life so far, this job is only part of a season. It’s a rich season full of exploring and learning. Feel free now more than ever to take risks and be bold. What a better time to make mistakes than in this time where you’re focused on getting experience? Maybe this is a good time to really focus on skills you want to build that seem a bit out of your comfort zone by applying them at work.
No matter the details or how you choose to spend this time, here’s what I know for sure– You are in this season for a reason and despite the difficulties, you are an overcomer! This time period of your life will make for great stories later on and the experience you get here will, I repeat, WILL impact you in whatever future adventures lie ahead. May your days feel brighter and your heart feel a bit lighter as you go into work knowing there is a deep purpose, even if the job is not perfect.
On curiosity:
CĀ UĀ RĀ IĀ OĀ SĀ IĀ TĀ Y–
NEVER LOSE IT. Be curious about everything and stay curious. Sometimes your curiosity might seem overwhelming because you have eyes for everything. Learn to hone it a little bit by directing it toward one thing at a time and grab a journal for all the curious thoughts you can’t follow up with right now. Your curiosity will continue to take you to great places if you let it. It can be used to connect with others and lead to great adventures. Follow it and encourage it in others.
On life:
Oh life.
Such a precarious thing.
I don’t know about you but I’ve never felt more overwhelmed than I have in growing into adulthood.
But the key thing to remember is that just because it can be more overwhelming doesn’t also mean it’s not beautiful. Adulthood can definitely be scary. The responsibilities that used to seem so vague or irrelevant are now on your shoulders. You won’t eat if you don’t feed yourself. You will go to jail if you don’t file your taxes. You won’t travel if you don’t buy the tickets. You will be out of work if your body can’t keep up with the tasks. These are heavy burdens to carry and we aren’t always very well prepared for them.
Having said that, what else is there about adulthood that makes it special? Remember as a kid how you just wanted to be older? Why was that? Because you were naive and didn’t know that adult fun also includes adult responsibilities? Maybe. But don’t forget about adult fun! Think of all the things you wanted to be in charge of as a child that you actually get to be in charge of now! And imagine how that will only continue to grow as you age.
You get to decide for yourself so many aspects of how your life works. It can be a lot of pressure but also, what a blessing. Especially for women, who in many parts of the world today still don’t get to decide things like their bed time or social schedule. Keep a gratitude journal and write 3-5 detailed things you’re grateful for in it every day. That will help your brain deal better with your struggles.
You might feel frustrated that just when you feel like you’ve settled into a choice about something your life’s plans keep getting derailed– not just once, but continuously. You might be wondering why God can’t just get on the same page as you. I get it. Trust me do I get it. But the same God who parted the Red Sea to help his people flee slavery also led his people through 40 years of wandering in the wilderness. The same God who sent his son to Earth because of his love for the whole world also watched his son die. But the wilderness ended and the Son rose again.
This is your story too.
I don’t know when or how, but I know–Your wilderness will end and you will rise again. It’s promised to us in the Word.
Keep praying and draw near to the Lord in this desert time. He offers joy in suffering and he is the ultimate healer. God is so powerful, he can resurrect our most terrible times with incredible might. He fights for you and seeks abundant goodness for you. Do not give up because He did not give up on you. You have been so forgiven and cherished that you have forgiveness to share with others, don’t forget that. Even in your brokenness you have gifts to share. Get creative. Use this time to gain a new perspective and get a new angle on how you can be a blessing to people in your circles. Imagine how flabbergasted some people might be to see you serving them so uniquely in a time where you clearly deserve to be served.
You are so strong and you’ve been knocked down before. You’re no stranger to pain so don’t let it trick you into thinking it will overcome you. Remind evil who the boss is (hint: it’s God, aka you because you have the Spirit of God in you). Because you are! You’re a boss and get this, not only can you make it through this, but you WILL make it through this. There’s not another option. You are making it through this. Remind yourself 100 times a day if you have to– You are making it through this hard time and you will come out the other side thriving with abundant joy and peace. Okay now repeat it for yourself, “I amĀ making it through this hard time and I will come out the other side thriving with abundant joy and peace.”
love you guys so much,
Emma
lovinglifeasemma.com 